#17 - The power of forgiveness
How to heal with the Ho’oponopono prayer
I am an emotional person, which can be both a blessing and a challenge. Since childhood, I have reacted strongly to perceived injustices and to others treating me in ways I deem unfair. At the same time, I tend to blame myself for evertything that’s going wrong in life and for my flaws—I am sure many of you know this as well.
Being like this can be exhausting, as it drains a great deal of energy on emotions, thoughts and actions that ultimately do not serve us in a productive way.
There came a point in my life when I realized that forgiving ourselves and others is essential to true happiness. When we accept that imperfection is part of being human and that mistakes are inevitable, forgiveness becomes much easier. When we forgive and feel it deeply, healing begins. Even more remarkably, the world around us responds in a profoundly positive way—many problems begin to fade away, and even those we once saw as enemies start to change their behavior!
Forgiveness in psychology
Psychologist Robert Enright's well-known model outlines four key steps to forgiveness:
The first step is uncovering your anger by examining how you have confronted or suppressed the emotion.
The second is making the conscious decision to forgive, recognizing that previous attempts to ignore or cope with the offense have been ineffective and that forgiveness may offer a new path forward.
The third step involves cultivating forgiveness by fostering compassion for the offender, considering whether their actions stemmed from malice or external circumstances.
Finally, the fourth step is releasing harmful emotions and reflecting on how both the experience and the act of forgiveness have contributed to personal growth.
It's important to note that Enright’s model does not appear to have a moral dimension, meaning that forgiveness is not about whether someone deserves it but rather about our own healing.
Foregiveness in the Bible
Forgiveness, as depicted in the Bible, is a profound expression of love and obedience. Spiritually, it draws us closer to God; mentally, it liberates us from the burden of resentment; and emotionally, it fosters healing and inner peace. In contrast, holding onto unforgiveness can have serious consequences, creating spiritual distance from God and straining relationships with others. I recently wrote an article about the Lord’s prayer, which also talks about foregiveness, stating “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors”.
True happiness and freedom are only possible when we forgive others and in this sense, forgiveness can even be seen as a selfish act. The same applies to ourselves. We must recognize that as humans, we are imperfect and constantly learning from our mistakes. That’s why we are worthy of our own forgiveness.
The “Ho’oponopono” prayer
Years ago, during a kinesiology session, I opened up to my coach about my childhood, particularly the relationship with my father. She introduced me to an ancient Hawaiian practice focused on reconciliation and forgiveness. It is called Ho’oponopono, a term that combines the causative prefix hoʻo (“to initiate an action”) with pono (“correctness” or “harmony”), signifying the process of making things right.
Deeply rooted in spiritual healing, Ho’oponopono emphasizes personal responsibility, seeking forgiveness and restoring balance through the following powerful affirmations:
“I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”
It can also be used the other way around, depending on the situation: “I forgive you, Thank you, I love you.”
The phrase can be silently recited in our thoughts, directed toward someone with whom we have unresolved matters—whether we seek their forgiveness or wish to forgive them. I practiced this with my father, and although he never heard me say it, our relationship has improved over time. It really seems to work.
I practice Ho’oponopono regularly
After experiencing this transformation with my father, Ho’oponopono became an integral part of my life. At times when I realize that I’ve made a mistake, I silently recite the prayer in my mind and imagine embracing the person involved.
Likewise, when I feel that someone has wronged me, I reverse the process, offering them forgiveness in my thoughts. This simple yet powerful practice has allowed me to release resentment and heal emotional wounds.
There is one final and really fascinating aspect of Ho’oponopono that I would like to share: When I feel that someone has treated me poorly, I try to remind myself of the prayer, and I silently recite the words: “I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”
You might wonder, why would I ask for forgiveness when I was the one being wronged? The theory behind this practice suggests that the person’s behavior toward me may stem from an unresolved connection from a past life, where I may have once wronged them. By asking for forgiveness now, I can release this old karma and heal the energetic bond between us.
It really works! I’ve practiced this many times, and almost every time, the other person’s attitude toward me changed—often immediately.
I encourage you to try it. You might be surprised at the powerful shifts it can create in your life.
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